I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
