bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
