so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
