just come out here and I will go home with you...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
