Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
