dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
