woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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