My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
