Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
