Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
