I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize