In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
