Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
