I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
