if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
