I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
is that a dick in a sweater?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
