I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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