remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
