Non-Jews are for practice
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
