They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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