Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize