I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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