Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
