Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
