i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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