so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
