Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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