Please, let me fuck your mom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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