i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am puke
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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