dude i'm inner monologue high
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
