Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dear god my vagina.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
