It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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