we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
