I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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