Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
