Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
