I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
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She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS