I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.