Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw