Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
