I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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