My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize