Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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