And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
