took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
