What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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