Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
