His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
