I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the day after is always just damage control
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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