ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
