We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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