What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't turn off my feet"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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