He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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