i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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