your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize