why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
