the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
