You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
