Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
