i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
