you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
