He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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