got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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