I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
