We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
