hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want to make out with him forever
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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