we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Rumble strips road head = magical
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
