dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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