Got a toothbrush?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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