How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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