Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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