are you still at the devil's house?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
