Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
