Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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