I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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