Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
